RUN # 400 !, DECEMBER HOLIDAY HASH SATURDAY, DECEMBER 20, 2003

HARE'S LAIR, ROUTE 44, AUBURN TOWNSHIP, GEAUGA COUNTY, OHIO

HARES: CHOCOLATE BOX (CB) & CUMS-WITHOUT-A-BOX (CWAB)

The Hounds:

The pack included Suck & Swallow, Grateful Ed, Pinch-A-Loaf, Soggy Box (Eerie H3), Raspberry Bare Ass (Pittsburgh H3), Rear Ender Tu, Lorena, H.I.R. Mike P., K.O., Too Drunk, Squeeky Cheeks, Virgin Natalie, Virgin Anne-Marie, Virgin Mick, Virgin Frank, Narco Philliac, Ranger A and actual hounds Virgin Austin (CB/CWAB's), Ball Envy, and Narco's-fine-pooch-whose-name-escapes-me. Catching up to us on trail were Nature Boy and Miss Manners.

The Late Cummers:

After the run we were joined by Nature Toy, Broken Boner, and Island Inbred. Bush Cassidy arrived during ceremonies. Michelle (Virgin Frank's wife) and their two pooches arrived shortly thereafter. Anal Blaster and Lubricunt stopped by for a few minutes later in the evening.

The Box:

We found the hare's sprawling estate, far off the road, shinning on a low rise like a modern-day castle amongst wide-open snow-covered spaces and a backdrop of forest. The gatehouse and stables caused a some confusion but CB waved us in. In fact, INDOOR PARKING was available for early arrivals. No shit! We gathered in the workshop next to the glow of the wood stove. The hares were resplendent in spankin' new red CH4 400 Holiday Hash shirts that CWAB had designed and had printed. Everyone complimented him for his design and effort, and the shirts sold rapidly (a few remain, contact CWAB ASAP).

The Chalk Talk:

As promised, we filed outside for the chalk talk at 3:30. The hares wanted to take maximum advantage of the daylight for a trail they advertised as, "This ain't no street crawl. Lots of beauteous Geauga County SHIGGY SHIGGY SHIGGY!!!!" The chalk talk was a bit scary as CWAB demonstrated the trail symbols with white flour on snow. Hmmmm .... maybe it wasn't such a good idea to have a virgin hare for run 400 even if aided by former GM Chocolate Box! We were assured that the actual trail marks were tinted slightly pink and on trees wherever possible. Whew! Introductions and the grope photo followed. Large flocks of geese flew overhead in ceremonial flybys in honor of our 400th run. Amazing!, these hares think of everything! The hares issued a final couple of warnings: try to stay near the laid trail because the unofficial township policy is "shoot first, ask questions later", and that we didn't want to start across any large flat areas of snow because there were a few lakes nearby and the ice was thin.

The Trail:

After introductions and the photo, we were on-on out through the back 40 and into the nearby woods. The marks were well laid, and slightly pink as promised. Deer trails through forest alternated with old farm fields and jeep trails until we crossed the first road. The trail continued across a recently-turned field and into a small wood lot where we found the the first beer stop: a four-wheel drive truck with a keg in the back in a sheltering pine forest in December! Does hashing get any better than this?

We were sent on-on again with a promise of another beer stop! Yum! Soon after, we found ourselves in a trackless swamp forest. While everyone eventually came out alive, Ball Envy's shoes were sucked oft and lost, virgin Natalie was seen stranded statue-like surrounded by deep mud, and all hope of keeping our feet dry was lost. Some sank in to the snow-covered mud up to their knees while others fared better. GREAT SHIGGY! A short jaunt through a drier forest brought us to a gas well and the edge of a farm field and another welcome 4WD beer stop.

After the second beer stop we ran up a farm road, across a large farm field, and into another section of woods. Since dusk was approaching, the hounds had some difficulty finding check marks on the snow, but eventually sorted it out and were on-on again (I think CWAB helped). We soon entered a farm's back yard, past the house, crossed Route 44 again and increased our pace up the hare's long drive and back into the workshop.

The On-In:

Most quickly changed into warm, dry clothes and we reassembled in the workshop for ceremonies. They were conducted by Grand Mistress K.O. and Religious Advisor Pinch-A-Loaf: What teamwork! All were honored. After the last down-down we headed down to the basement family room. A major food spread was laid out for us amongst the wide screen TV, pool table, and bar. Great FOOD!

A CH4 tradition at the holiday party is a gag gift exchange. As usual, most were obscene, containing alcohol , or both. The gifts were laid out under the basement's Holiday tree. Numbers were put in a hat and all those who brought a gift drew a number. One-by-one they were directed by K.O. to come forward to select a gift or steal from someone who preceded them. Great fun.

The Twelve Days of Hashmas and other appropriate songs were sung. Much beer was consumed. As the evening progressed the hounds dispersed until only a half-dozen of so remained to enjoy the hares bountiful overnight accommodations.

The Morning After:

While most went on their way early, CB and CWAB provided an excellent breakfast for a few stragglers. Square eggs and more were served! The items left behind included one thong, other assorted clothing, some cookware, the Chains-of-lgnorance, and more. Contact CWAB to find out how many times you'll have to hare in 2004 to get your stuff back!

Reviews posted to clevelandhash@vahoogroups.com :

"Kudos to Chocolate Box and Comes w/o a Box for a great hash. I just wish I would have gotten a babysitter! Nature Boy retired to bed last night saying.... 'I'm glad I went - that was a good time -1 miss all those guys -1 need to work less and start hashing more!!!' Happy Holidays everybody!!!" - Nature Toy

"...FOUND BY CH4: Most of our brain cells, some of our clothes, .... an EXCELLENT hash. ALL HAIL Comes-Without-A-Box & Chocolate Box!" - Too Drunk

"A most excellent Hash over at The Moth (Mansion on The Hill). Terrific trail, a full hour of down-downs, New Hashers, Old Friends, Great Food, and some good old fashioned Camaraderie. Slim Narco got the Chains of Ignorance back. Slimmer K.O. did an outstanding job of running the Hash. Let's hope we are invited back for our Christmas hash in '04. Hats off to CWAB & Choco for an outstanding job.... - Rear

On-On,

Too Drunk