Hmmm.... have a real wedding and popular theme-hash at the same time at the same place? Both with an "Hawaiian Casual" theme? Have the hashers PARTICIPATE IN THE ACTUAL WEDDING CEREMONY? Lets see.... Chocolate Box's family has "experienced" us many times via CB's legendary Lingerie Hashes, but only Cums-Without-A-Box's daughters had ever met us. What about the rest of his family? What about their civilian guests? Never before in the Anals of CH4 had an open invitation been issued to a real wedding. Recipe for disaster: perhaps. A fun-loving, and very brave, bride and groom: absolutely. A hash not to be missed: hell yeah! And so we came to get lei'd. Thirty-One. Yep, that's right: THIRTY-F'ING-ONE! Eerie made it an "Official Road Trip and their finest hashers came. Akron's Rubber City H3 was ably represented. There were many H.I.R.s and even two virgins.
A few more current and past hashers were seen either at the wedding or much later at the reception, including: Anal Blaster, Lube, Maid Marion of Sure-Would-For-Us, Yellow Snow Cone, Lick My Nuts, Penis Puppeteer (Dayton H3), the happy couple's neighbors H.I.R Frank and Michelle (oft seen, but still a pre-virgin), A. Harrier, John Grizzlyamo, and yes, even Biff Dimcheck! When we arrived signs directed the hashers to park and meet at the pond nearest the road, while the civilian wedding guests parked and gathered at CWAB & CB's house far-off the road. We had a keg, they didn't :). Those hashers planning to stay overnight set up their campers and tents. While the pack hydrated EXTREMELY well (it was a tad hot & humid), GM and Co-Hare Squeeky Cheeks busied himself strapping a kayak into his SUV. Uh-oh. At 3:45 Squeeky assembled the pack for the Chalk Talk. Besides the usual trail marks, we were brought up to speed about our participation in the ACTUAL WEDDING. We were to attend the ceremony, after which the newly married hares would lead us On-On! Yes, there would be a regular Cum & Get Lei'd style hash run, followed by Ceremonies at the lake, and then we would join the reception for food, more beer, fireworks, more beer, bonfire, and more beer. We walked the hundred yards up to the side of the house and joined the other guests. The southern balcony was decorated for the ceremony and a processional aisle led across the lawn to its steps. Rock/pop music played. The hashers clustered at the end of the aisle to await the bride. Cheerful whispers of "those are the hashers" were heard from the hundred or so other guests. Some were seated in white lawn chairs on the patio below the balcony, some were seated in white lawn chairs casually grouped around the lawn, and most were standing in clusters around the lawn including the hashers. More Hawaiian wear than you'd find in Hawaii! CB's barbershop quartet sang a song. The groom's men came onto the balcony in blue-and-white Hawaiian shirts. The groom arrived to high-fives. wearing the same-patterned shirt but in red-and-white. The bridesmaids walked down the aisle across the lawn in dresses that matched the groom's shirt and up the stairs onto the balcony. Everyone turned to look for the bride ... and right at the hashers... Chocolate Box arrived via golf cart, screened from most guest's view by a few evergreen trees and thirty hashers. Her white dress had some delicate red trim on the front to match her groom and her bridesmaids' red. The traditional "Here Come's the Bride" music began to play, then quickly was changed to "Here She Come Just A-Walkin' Down The Street Singing Do Wah Ditty Ditty Dum Ditty Doo", back to "Here Comes the Bride", then to "Oh, Pretty Woman" ... I think there was one or two more transitions as CB danced and walked her way to the patio. The Officiant asked, "Who is giving the bride away?", to which CB's father responded "I am" and escorted her up the stairs onto the balcony. He asked again, "Is there anyone else who gives the bride away?" The hashers replied, "We do!" as we had been instructed. The vows were exchanged .... I do.... I do.... you may kiss! Clapping and whistling ensued.... those hash whistles sure came in handy! The wedding party made its way down the processional aisle under heavy bombardment of bird seed, and the contents of a giant bag-of-rice brought by our Eerie visitors Everyone seemed to be having a great time..... or was I too drunk.... hmmm, I think it was BOTH! At the end of the aisle, amongst the hashers, the happy couple mounted their golf cart. With chains of beer cans dragging behind, and shouts of "On-On", they led the hashers back to the keg at the pond for beer stop #1, congratulations, and one Down-Down .... "HERE'S TO CHOCOLATE BOX & CUMS-WITHOUT-A-BOX, THEY'RE TRUE BLUE, THEY ARE HASHERS THROUGH-AND-THROUGH ...." We bid the Boxes aloha and went On-On again. We followed flour south along Route 44, while Co-Hare Squeeky Cheeks drove the other way with his kayak. Within a couple hundred yards we turned off the road onto a jeep trail, running past a farm. It was about this time that Soggy Box went "hasher down" with a sprained ankle and a number of hashers generously agreed to sacrifice their run to return with her to the keg, .... er.... uh... pond, to rest and recover. About 20 of us continued on through the woods and amber-waves of grasses on lightly used jeep trails, foot trails, and some off-trail areas, in the flat-lands of southern Geauga County. A hard check allowed some check sitters to swim in the waters of a nearby lake, while others explored some long false trails before finding true trail along the lake shore. We crossed a large field, and found Beer Stop #2 in the woods along the rocky shore of a wide part of La Due Reservoir, a large lake. Squeeky had kayaked the beer in to us from who-knows-where. Several hashers took their refreshment knee deep in the lake to beat the heat. After the La Due beer stop Squeeky headed out in his kayak and we were on-on again through trail-less woods. A hard check re-grouped the pack and after some time we took a guess and found trail again on a nearby road. We learned later we hadn't seen an arrow which was intended to get us discretely past a couple of houses to the road. A mile or so of quiet farm roads took us past a sign "Welcome to Portage County". We soon found Squeeky at a roadside beer stop, his SUV now bearing the keg instead of the kayak. Apparently he distracted those back at the pond with the remaining canned beer and managed to spirit the keg away. With the roadside beer stop over, about half the pack opted to stay with the keg and auto-hashed back to the Boxes' pond. The remaining pack of about ten enjoyed a couple more miles of quiet farm roads and a small just-starting housing development, crossed back into Geauga County and "ran" a final mile back north on Route 44 to the pond. Religious Advisor Too Drunk opened Ceremonies with a down-down for our hares: Squeeky Cheeks and someone who stood-in for CWAB and CB. His hare down-down finished, our Grand Master Squeeky Cheeks conducted the rest of the ceremonies. The visitors, virgins, and various hash-criminals were honored. The Eerie contingent encouraged us to all attend their Analversary Weekend July 15-17 at Brushwood, in western New York. Follow the link to Eerie H3 on www.clevelandhash.com for more information. If you've never attended a hash-weekend, you're really missing out! When the keg went dry we took it as a sign to close the ceremonies and infiltrate the reception up at the house. At the house we found a full bar on the patio under the balcony, including another keg of beer, thereby ending our brief beer crisis. There was much rejoicing! Since we had out on trail and at ceremonies for several hours, the reception's kindler-and-gentler folk had already left, and we fit right in with the party-iers that remained. We found ample dinner selections presented buffet-style in the workshop part of the decorated, and sparkling clean (how'd they do that?), garage. Dinner tables filled the 4-car-part of the garage and the adjacent driveway. A disk jockey played tunes for those dancing on the patio. A couple of hashers got her to play Paradise-By-The-Dashboard-Lights and performed the CH4 traditional version. In the family room there was a liquid chocolate fountain (what, can't they do that with beer?) and at least two wedding cakes to choose from. As darkness fell a great fireworks display was presented in the backyard, complete with ground and aerial displays. After the grand finale, the remaining guests gathered around the bon-fire. When the party thinned-out the "last-standing" hashers treated the "last-standing" hardest-core civilians with a taste of a few hash songs. Thanks to Chocolate Box and Cums-Without-A-Box for including their Hash Family in their most-special day. On-On!
Hash Cash Report: (31) - (3 hares) - (2 virgins) = 26 @ $10 = $260. (25)($9) = $225 to hares, $26 for treasury, and $9 more for hares, held by T.D |
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